Why is Homework Time So Painful?

In many homes, peace and harmony are not part of the nightly homework routine.  Instead, we have battles, frustrations, and tears.  As parents, many of us are left wondering what we are doing wrong and why this time together has to be so intolerable.   The main difficulty is that kids have different and fluctuating reasons for not wanting to do homework.  Just when we think we have it all figured out, the reason changes and the frustrations come back.    This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to figure it out.   It simply means that we should be aware that many factors play into homework struggles, and we need to pay attention to which is the culpable issue.  Take a look at some of the possible causes, and experiment to find some viable solutions for your student.

1.        Is your student hungry or tired?    This is a common problem that is easily overlooked.  It can be solved with a snack, a cold drink and a break to boost energy.   Keep in mind that some kids cannot even think about doing their homework until after dinner when they’ve had ample time and their bellies are full.

2.       Is your student overwhelmed?   Some kids see several pieces to their homework and consequently shut down.   Step in and help make a plan to get it all finished one piece at a time. Show them that their work is manageable.   Help them make attainable goals, and don’t let them wait until the last minute!

3.       Is your student distracted?   The television, other kids playing, dogs barking, and a variety of other distractions cause serious problems for many kids.   Make sure that you turn off as many distractions as possible and provide a workspace that is effective for your child.   If your child works better in his room and gets his work finished well there, then let him work in his room!  When you have to take away distractions, you can make them the reward for finishing their work.

4.       Is your student bored?   We all have subjects that we find more fascinating than others, and our kids are no different.  Some subjects simply bore them, and we can help by scheduling breaks and sandwiching the tedious material in between the more interesting projects.

5.       Is your student lazy?   It is sometimes hard to admit, but the reality is that some kids are lazy.  If you have a student who simply doesn’t want to work, you can take the opportunity to teach about the value of hard work and work ethics.  Spend the homework time working alongside your child.  Work ethic is a value to model to your children, and remember that this is a marathon lesson, not a sprint!

6.       Is your student frustrated from a lack of supplies?    Not having notecards, pencils with lead in them, calculators, and other supplies is annoying to all of us and can cause major meltdowns for some kids.   Make sure that you have a place to keep supplies well stocked so that everyone can find what they need when they need it.

7.       Does your student want to do something else?   Throughout the day, most of us have times when we would really prefer to be doing something different.   Show your student that life is about balance, and then help schedule time for homework and some other activity.  Show them the light at the end of the tunnel because some kids can’t see that far ahead to know that they don’t have to do homework the entire night.

8.       Does your student not see the importance of homework?   It’s just homework, and because it doesn’t count as much as a test or project, it won’t really matter if it gets done or not.   Many students think like this, and it is important to SHOW your student how zeroes affect the final grade.   Play with the numbers and averages to let him see exactly what a zero or two does to a grade.

9.       Does your student not understand the material?    If your child doesn’t want to do his homework because he doesn’t understand it, it’s time to get him some support.   Let him know that you believe he is capable, but that he has hit a roadblock.  Then find some help.  Reach out to the teacher to see what they are seeing in the classroom and what resources they have for struggling students.  Research tutoring options, whether they are at the school or private.   Don’t let this frustration spiral downward because most students eventually stop trying.

10.   Does your student not like to be told what to do?    Many kids don’t want to do their homework because they want control over what they do.   You should give them what they can handle, and be careful not to hover or nag.   Let them tell you what they would like to see happen, and then let them prove to you that they can succeed.  When they hit a roadblock, have them give you their plan for a solution.

The next time you have tears or battles over homework, think about some of these possible reasons so that you can help your child get what they need to be successful.