We want our students to have a healthy self-esteem, so we tell them how smart they are. What we often don’t realize is that when we only connect praise with an innate ability, such as intelligence or talent, our children have a difficult time with failure. When students are praised for the effort or the process, then they are able to attribute failures and obstacles to lack of effort rather than lack of ability. We want our students to see that a low score on a math test resulted from poor preparation rather than not being smart enough. Students who are shown more recognition for their efforts are higher achievers who are up for challenges, accepting of setbacks, and motivated to learn.
So what can you say other than “You’re so smart?” How about one of these alternatives?
- I like the way you are doing ___________.
- I am proud that you made that choice.
- You really handled that situation well because ______________.
- You are a very good friend.
- What a creative solution to that problem!
- I love how you took ownership of that!
- You never gave up, even when it was really hard.
- I know I can trust you because ____________.
- I like that you value other people’s opinions.
- You worked really hard to get that project finished.
- I appreciate how helpful you are.
- I can tell that you studied very hard.
- You are not afraid of a challenge. I like that!
- You remembered to __________. Great thinking!
- It was brave of you to ______________.
- You have really improved on ____________.
- That was very responsible of you.
- I can tell that you tried your best because _____________.
- I like that you gave that so much thought.
- I admire the way you ______________.